By Jonathan Fischer
My name is Jonathan Fischer.
I was adopted shortly after birth in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Not <img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright wp-image-24099 size-medium" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-300x300.jpg" alt="Jonathan F quote" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Jonathan-F-quote.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />knowing more than where I was born, I always wondered about my origins and who my parents were. But I was also afraid about what I might find out, so for years I did nothing.
Then not too long ago I tried 23andMe.
Little did I know how much it would change my life.
My decision to take the leap and explore where I came from started in a small cafe along Alki Beach in West Seattle in the summer of 2013. I sat and talked to a dear friend, who is also a genealogist. I told her about both my curiosity and my fears.
She recommended trying 23andMe, so I did.


Right away I learned some health information, and that I was over 3 percent Neanderthal, something my wife says explains a lot.
But I also found people I was related to genetically. Using 23andMe’s “DNA Relatives,” I connected with many cousins some very distant and others much closer and even received a message from one of these close cousins. Turned out he was related to me through my paternal side, and, fortunately for me, he was also a genealogy buff.
He told me that finding me – a second cousin he’d never heard of – piqued his interest. How were we connected, he wondered. Our emails finally led to a phone conversation.
Although my initial intent hadn’t been to find relatives, when he asked me if I wanted to know the identity of my biological father, I didn’t hesitate:


“Yes!” I told him. 
Analyzing a family tree, he used a simple process of elimination to identify the man he thought was my father, and offered up a name.
After that phone conversation I wondered what I had just done. I had no idea what piercing the veil of secrecy would mean for me or this man and his family, but finding a name pushed me to take the next step, so I began taking a more traditional approach: filling out a form with the state of Wisconsin’s Department of Children and Families asking for my adoption file. This would give me access to a redacted file of my adoption.


What I got was my birth certificate and some basic facts about my biological mother but without any identifying information. I learned that only a single parent was listed on my original birth certificate, as my biological mother had not chosen to establish paternity. Although paternity was not established, there were details from the caseworker about my alleged father. Enough detail in fact that I was able to compare some of that information to the information supplied by my newly found second cousin, giving me some confidence that indeed I had the correct name for my biological father.


So in January 2014 I took a deep breath, and wrote him a letter.
The day it arrived, my biological father called four times trying to get in touch. When I got home from work, I quickly called him back and we talked into the night. It was like being born all over again. He confirmed that I was indeed his son, something we triple checked later when he also tested with 23andMe. We stayed in touch and arranged to meet in person.
In August of 2014 I met him, his brother, my uncle, and my half-brothers and sisters at a family dinner arranged for my visit. I had to muster all my courage to walk into that room. While my half-brothers and sisters were initially shocked to find out they had an older brother, they were friendly but guarded. Our relationship has grown since then.
Back when I had asked the state for my adoption file, I had also checked a box requesting contact with my biological mother. I was fortunate for how easy it was for my caseworker to find her.
Because of the success with my father, I also I got my hopes up that I would get a chance to meet her too. But that was not the case, at least at first. After much consideration she declined to establish contact. For years, I’d never allowed myself to even hope I would find her, but being so close and then her declining to make contact was disappointing to say the least. I was crushed.
But I decided not to let it go at that. I still wanted to know who she was.
Using the information I had from my case file, as well as information from the 1940 Census, I found her name. Although there was nothing stopping me from writing her a letter, I felt any contact that didn’t go through the state would be totally inappropriate. Occasionally I would Google my mother’s family. It was a difficult time. I worried that although I knew who they were, I’d never get a chance to meet them.
Then I thought of a quote from the Book of Lamentations:
“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”


So I waited.


In May of 2016, I was visiting my biological dad for his birthday when I received a text from my wife. Check your email she said. There was a message from my caseworker telling me that my biological mother had changed her mind. She was ready to have contact, and my caseworker wanted to know if I was still interested in meeting her. I said yes, emphatically.


A few weeks later I went to Michigan to meet my mom, and my half-brothers and half-sister and their families.  My half brothers and sister were delighted to find out that my existence was real after all.
Since connecting with them, I’ve been able to establish close relationships with both my biological parents. I talk to my mother every week and my father daily.


I’m a lucky man. I once had but one family, now I have three. My adoption experience was special and I was fortunate to have been adopted by a very loving, successful, happy and intelligent couple. After adopting me my parents conceived my sister.
Now I’ve met both my biological parents and their families, who are also filled with successful, happy and intelligent people. I’ve gone from having one sister to having ten siblings, and a passel of nieces and nephews. Not many adoptees have this kind of success finding biological relatives.
I guess I would have to say that I’m a very lucky guy thanks to 23andMe.


Jonathan is a CPA living in the Pacific Northwest with his wife and two kids.

23andMe Blog

23andMe Blog Team

A Lucky Man

Over the years we&#8217;ve been lucky enough to hear from customers who&#8217;ve used 23andMe to connect with their dads.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-21188" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/David-Quote-200x200.jpg" alt="David Quote" width="200" height="200" />


Some of them simply shared their results to see the kinds of traits they shared with the fathers. But several customers, mostly adoptees, have been able to use 23andMe to find their biological fathers. We&#8217;ve heard from  several who have found their fathers and met them for the first time.
As we get ready to celebrate Father&#8217;s Day we wanted to share one of those stories with you.
Here&#8217;s David Alquist&#8217;s story, which was recently picked up by Channel 9 in Denver. 
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Happy Father’s Day 2016

There’s a time when all of us settle down, but Robert isn’t there quite yet.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-23983" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-300x300.jpg" alt="RoberW" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/RoberW.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


He’s 29, single and has a good job as an architect. He’s in no rush, but all the same that hasn’t stopped him from at least thinking about his future and what comes next. In part that’s why he tested with 23andMe.
“I was interested in learning more about my ancestry, especially within Europe,” said Robert, who lives in Maryland. “I was also interested in learning any health information that could help me plan my life better, especially since I’m at an age when having a family is on the horizon.”


His results revealed a few surprises about his ancestry, but it was the health information that he viewed as invaluable not just for his future, but also to explain something about his sister, who he said was born profoundly deaf. His test showed that Robert is a carrier for an inherited form of hearing loss.


“The cause was unknown but genetic hearing loss was always low on our list of possible reasons because no one else in our family is deaf,” Robert said. “They assumed it was not genetic, so it was always a mystery.”


The family speculated that perhaps her deafness was caused by a fever during infancy, or something his mother may have been exposed to or even his father being in areas that were sprayed with Agent Orange during the Vietnam War. The family didn’t know so they were left to speculate about what caused Robert’s sister to be deaf.
But Robert believes his 23andMe results may offer a plausible explanation. His test revealed that he is a carrier for GJB2-related nonsyndromic hearing loss and deafness, DFNB1, an inherited form of hearing loss.*
To be affected a person must have two variants in the GJB2 gene, but Robert inherited just one copy, meaning he is only a carrier.
Because the condition is nonsyndromic  – meaning it lacks other symptoms – detecting it at birth in the past was exceedingly difficult.  Recent advances in universal newborn hearing screening, however, have made this and other forms of congenital deafness easier to detect. When Robert’s sister was born the family didn’t have access to those tests.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-23811" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Inheritance-300x266.jpg" alt="Inheritance" width="300" height="266" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Inheritance-300x266.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Inheritance.jpg 697w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


“Finding out that I am a carrier may shed some light on my sister&#8217;s condition,” Robert said.


But since she hasn’t had a genetic test for the condition, he can only assume his sister may have gotten two copies, one from each of their parents.
For Robert, his results are important, he said. If, or when, he decides to have a family, knowing that he’s a carrier is something he’d want to share with his partner. That kind of knowledge is power, but Robert understands not everyone would feel the same way. Not everyone would want to know.


“Everyone is different in the way they handle that sort of news,” he said.


Robert also said that it makes a lot of sense to talk to his doctor or medical professional at some point about the results and how to best use what he’s learned.
Still he feels better knowing.
“I am glad I received this information,” Robert said. “The results were a little sobering at first, but I think it will help me plan for a better life in the long run.”


*23andMe&#8217;s carrier status tests can be used to determine carrier status in adults from saliva collected using an FDA-cleared collection device (Oragene ·DX model OGD-500.001), but cannot determine if you have two copies of the genetic variant. Each test is most relevant for people of certain ethnicities. The tests are not intended to diagnose a disease, or tell you anything about your risk for developing a disease in the future. On their own, carrier status tests are not intended to tell you anything about the health of your fetus, or your newborn child’s risk of developing a particular disease later in life.  The Nonsyndromic Hearing Loss and Deafness DFNB1 (GJB2-related) carrier status test is indicated for the detection of 2 variants in the GJB2 gene and is most relevant for people of Ashkenazi Jewish and European descent.

Planning Ahead

Sandi had 50 years to prepare for this moment, but as she walked off a plane in Sacramento she felt the anxiety and doubt well-up inside.
&nbsp;
<div id="attachment_23917" style="width: 210px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-23917" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-23917" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Candance-Christine-Sandra-Sandi-200x200.jpg" alt="From left Candace, Christine, Sandra and Sandi, having lunch the day Sandi met them for the first time." width="200" height="200" />From left Candace, Christine, Sandra and Sandi.</div>
“It was like the night before you get married and you get cold feet or jitters,” said the 50 year-old mother from New Hampshire. “You just know that in a moment your life is going to change, and you worry that maybe you’re not ready.”


Adopted at birth in Florida, Sandi had spent her whole life looking for her biological mother, wondering if she was out there somewhere.
Then after decades of searching without success, she found her after discovering a second cousin named Steve on 23andMe. Her cousin, who is about ten years older, had remembered when his aunt, Sandi’s mom, was pregnant with her. 
<div id="attachment_23916" style="width: 210px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-23916" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-23916" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/ChristineSandi-200x200.jpg" alt="Christine, left, and her sister Sandi." width="200" height="200" />Christine, left, and her sister Sandi.</div>
It was through Steve that Sandi was able to connect with her mother and sister. Sandi’s trip across the country – just two weeks before Mother’s Day – was her chance to meet her mom for the first time. It was a meeting she’d fanaticized about her whole life, but as Sandi got closer to meeting her mother, she became more and more nervous.
While she splashed water on her face in the airport bathroom and ratcheted up her courage, her mother Sandra Freeland and Sandi’s sisters, Christine Herrera and Candace Campbell – who she was also meeting for the first time – had their own anxious moments as they waited for her in the terminal.
Christine had already bonded with Sandi through Facebook and several phone calls, but seeing Sandi in person for the first time triggered all sorts of emotions.
“There was so much going on inside me it’s hard to describe what I was feeling,” said Christine, who is Sandi’s full sister.


All her life, Christine felt like something or someone was missing. She had known most of her life that she had a sister out there, who’d been given up for adoption by her mother. Now after finding Sandi she felt like she was uncovering a missing part of herself.
For their mother, Sandra, meeting her daughter Sandi instantly brought her back to the few days she had with her as a newborn just before giving her up. At the time she’d been an out-of-work single mother trying to raise another another young daughter. County social workers in Florida had encouraged Sandra to give up the newborn for adoption, telling Sandra that if she kept Sandi there was a chance she’d lose both of her girls. It was an awful choice, but Sandra thought that giving up Sandi would offer her a better life than she could give her. But it was agony letting her go.
“I never stopped thinking about her,” Sandra said more than 50 years later. “Never. She was constantly on my mind.”


Each of the women were wound tight with emotion as Sandi walked into the terminal and into her mother’s arms for the first time in 50 years. As they held each other Christine stood next to them with tears in her eyes and her hands over her mouth.
They held each other for a very long time, and then Sandra whispered into her daughter’s ear.


“I told her it felt so good to hold her again and that I never wanted to let her go,” Sandra said. “And then I told her that I always loved her and I never stopped loving her.”


As she looked into her daughter&#8217;s eyes she instantly remembered holding her as an infant and the staring into her young eyes then, she said.
Almost weak in the knees with her own emotion, Sandi said none of the millions of meetings she’d imagined having with her mother over the years was quite as good as what really happened.
Sandi had been raised by a couple who’d been unable to have children. They were older when they adopted her, and they both passed away by the time Sandi was just 25. Although she adored her adopted father, she said her relationship with her adopted mother was more difficult. Still Sandi is thankful they provided her a stable upbringing. But Sandi never stopped looking for her biological mother, and over the years she’d fantasized about meeting her.


“To be held like that was something I’d dreamed about my whole life,” Sandi said. “I mean, it was my own mom holding me in her arms telling me she loved me, telling me how much she loved and missed me my whole life. It was amazing.”


For Christine, too, the moment was a bit surreal and overwhelming.
<div id="attachment_23918" style="width: 210px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-23918" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-23918" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Candance-Sandra-Sandi-Christine-200x200.jpg" alt="From left Candace, Sandra, Sandi and Christine." width="200" height="200" />From left Candace, Sandra, Sandi and Christine.</div>
“I’m still in awe, still dumbfounded by it,” she said.


Just 11 months younger than Sandi, Christine said meeting her sister – their older sister had passed away more than a decade ago – was also something she’d dreamed about. Deep down Christine always thought she’d been a twin, and that missing twin sister was out there somewhere. Finally meeting Sandi and spending time with her she felt like reconnecting a missing part of herself. The connection she has had with her sister is like nothing she experienced before.
After meeting at the airport, Sandi spent a few days with Christine, and then met her extended family at a dinner in Sacramento – including her cousin Steve with whom she connected on 23andMe and who helped her find her mother. Sandi also got some more one-on-one time with her mother. She had a week on the coast before having to return home to her own kids.


“It’s crazy to have spent my whole life looking and then to finally find her,” she said. “It’s been amazing. It’s something I’ve yearned for my whole life, and that yearning never went away. It was important to hear that I wasn’t some kind of mistake. That I was loved and missed.”


And now she has someone she can wish Happy Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day Delayed

There are many faces of Parkinson’s, Claudia’s just happens to be smiling most of the time.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-23733" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/PD-Infographic-Top-244x300.jpg" alt="PD Infographic Top" width="244" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/PD-Infographic-Top-244x300.jpg 244w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/PD-Infographic-Top-768x946.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/PD-Infographic-Top-831x1024.jpg 831w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/PD-Infographic-Top-714x880.jpg 714w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/PD-Infographic-Top-958x1180.jpg 958w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/PD-Infographic-Top.jpg 1010w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 244px) 100vw, 244px" />
“I’m an optimistic person,” said the mother of two teenage boys who lives with her family in Illinois.


She’s also one of the 11,000 people with the disease that make up <a href="https://www.23andme.com/pd/">23andMe’s Parkinson’s Research Community</a> – individuals who participate in a new kind of crowd-sourced science.
To mark Parkinson’s Awareness Month, we’re highlighting Claudia’s story in part because of who she is, but also because of what motivated Claudia to join the community in the first place, and what keeps her engaged and optimistic about the future.
Most of us are not scientists or researchers, but we can play a role in our health by being engaged, educated about the disease, and willing to contribute to research.
As Claudia says:


“If I have the opportunity to do something right now, why wouldn’t I?”
It’s people like Claudia, who have helped 23andMe create the world’s largest cohort of genotyped Parkinson’s patients. This community has powered important research from the beginning, first helping to replicate known genetic associations for Parkinson’s and then helping researchers find never before seen associations.
23andMe’s Parkinson’s Research Community is unique because it enlists people as partners in research instead of looking at them as subjects. For those with Parkinson’s – some of whom live away from major centers of research or are physically unable to travel to those centers – 23andMe’s Research community has allowed them to easily contribute from the comfort of their own homes.
For Claudia her diagnosis in 2010 surprised her and left her frightened, and unsure.
“Parkinson’s disease entered in our home uninvited and it decided to stay, in me,” she said.


Like many who face a serious illness, Claudia wondered why this burden had been placed on her shoulders, but she quickly moved beyond that. She thought of her children and others with the disease, knowing that perhaps if she participated in research scientists might find something in her that could help others.


Take a moment and meet Claudia, one of the everyday heroes that make 23andMe’s research possible. 
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Everyday Hero

On Mother’s Day last year, Robin Butler’s children gave her 23andMe as a gift, not knowing it would change all their lives.
“I thought it would be fun to learn about my genome,” Robin said.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-full wp-image-23673" src="http://35.88.189.111/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Robin-Quote.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="200" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Robin-Quote.jpg 200w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Robin-Quote-150x150.jpg 150w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" />
But testing ultimately revealed something no one knew – the man she thought was her biological father wasn’t.
“I was in total shock for three days, and I am still dealing with the aftershocks,” Robin said. “My whole family was shocked. My mother was shocked, and so was the man we believed was my (biological) father for 49 years.”
23andMe allows people to explore what their genetics tell them about traits they might share with family, or about their health and ancestry. But doing the test can also reveal the unexpected. Sometimes those surprises can be fun, but, as in Robin’s case, they also have the potential to have profound implications.
For Robin, learning that her father wasn’t her biological father sent a shockwave through her family, but it didn’t tear them apart.
Robin had a unique relationship with the man she had known as her father. He and her mother had lived apart almost all of Robin’s life, and she had only lived with him briefly when she was 13. Although their relationship was distant, she embraced him as her father, just as any daughter would. Robin’s own children also knew him as their grandfather.
When her kids gave Robin 23andMe for Mother’s Day, she turned around and got a kit for her mother. When she got her results, she saw her connection to her mother in the DNA Relative feature and a third cousin she didn’t recognize. The two connected, trying to figure out how they were related. The cousin didn’t show up in her mother’s results, so Robin knew she had to be connected to the cousin on her father’s side, but she didn’t recognize any of the woman’s family names.
Robin had also gotten a kit for her dad for Father’s Day. When his results came back, they quickly realized he didn’t share any DNA with this third cousin or with Robin.
“I thought it was a mistake,” she said. “I even called 23andMe to confirm that the results were correct.”
But she also noticed that her father shared DNA with cousins who had names Robin knew.
“That’s when I knew that this was his DNA and he wasn’t my father,” she said. “That’s when I was thrown into shock.”
While the news was hard to accept, it didn’t devastate the family. Instead, it triggered many new questions for Robin about her family and herself.
It also propelled her on a new search.
“I knew I had to find my biological father,” Robin said.
Robin talked to her dad about it.
It wasn’t easy, but his response wasn’t anger or sadness but encouragement. He told her she needed answers that he didn’t have.
“I know you need to know,” he told her.
He understood how important it was to her.
“My dad helped in the search, too,” Robin said.
Looking at her 23andMe results, Robin returned to the third cousin with whom she first connected and noticed other second and third cousins. This prompted her to search for their surnames, which were unfamiliar to her. She got additional information from her mother, who had the first name of a man who was the only other likely person who could be Robin’s father. Pooling all this information together helped narrow her search. When she connected again with her third cousin and shared some of this information, they identified who they thought her father was. Her cousin even provided Robin with a picture, which Robin then showed to her parents. They recognized him immediately and said that was who they believed was her father.
“Remarkably, through my 23andme DNA relatives (and other information), I was able to find the man who I truly believe is my biological father, all within a matter of days,” Robin said.
But her cousin thought that Robin’s biological father had passed away. It wasn’t until Robin tracked down another cousin that she learned he was still alive. Using additional information, she was able to find an address. She took the next difficult step of sending him a carefully worded letter filled with details about her mother and her own connections through 23andMe with several of his relatives.
“I mailed the letter off on August 31, 2015, (and) I prayed to Jesus,” she said.
A few days later, Robin got an early morning phone call. It was him.
“Of course, this was a great shock to him and his family, but he called,” Robin said. “Thank God he called, and he remembered my mother. Like me, he just wanted to know the truth, and so did his wife of 47 years.”
He asked to do a DNA test, and Robin sent him a 23andMe kit. A few weeks later, the results confirmed what Robin thought – she’d found her biological father.
“His response was brief, and that&#8217;s the last I&#8217;ve heard from him,” Robin said. “I&#8217;m still waiting, but I have hope. I know I will have a relationship with my father.”
Robin is his only biological child. She doesn’t know how this news impacted him, but finding him was important in understanding herself.
It made her wonder what part of herself she inherited from her biological father and what was from her upbringing.
“I thought that knowing him would help me to better understand myself,” she said.
Making the connection gave her insight into where she came from.
“I not only found my biological father but I was introduced to extended family and ancestors that I hadn’t known of before,” said Robin. “Finding him and knowing about his family tree through our cousins made me feel complete and whole.”

A Need To Know

An accomplished scientist and businessman, Stephen Levine has spent his whole life <img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-23645" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Stephen-Levine-200x200.jpg" alt="Stephen Levine" width="200" height="200" />searching.


That restlessness is driven by a quest that is both emotional and intellectual, a desire to learn more about the world around him and himself. It was also driven by what he calls a deep emotional trauma. But that intense curiosity about who he was and where he came from was recently rewarded with a family connection he could have only made with the help of 23andMe.
“There is a lovely tender, tear rendering story here,” said Stephen, a Ph.D., who lives in Northern Washington and works in nutritional medicine.


He’d been adopted and grew up in Brooklyn in a family in which he felt alien and disconnected to his adoptive mother.
Using details from a story his adoptive mother told him about his birth, Stephen tracked down his biological mother when he was in his early 30s.
It wasn’t the kind of reunion he’d hoped for, however.
“She was a broken person, a street person,” he said.
His mother had agreed to meet him at a White Castle fast food restaurant in Brooklyn. It was a strange place for a mother and son reunion, and while he drove to the meeting, Stephen questioned whether he’d really found the right person at all.


“Intellectually I knew it was her, but emotionally I was so shaken up I just didn’t know,” he said.


But he thought to himself:
“If this is really my mom, then when I look at her face, I will know 100 percent,” he said. “And, she’ll have green eyes.”


Just after he parked his car at the restaurant a woman knocked on his window.
“I saw her face and I saw my face within it, with her green eyes,” he said.
Wanting to get to know her and learn more about his biological family, Stephen spent two days with her in a large hotel suite that he’d rented.
“She was obviously mentally imbalanced and depressed,” Stephen said. “I asked her many questions including the name of my biological father. She did give me his last name.”


After that initial meeting, he tried to develop a relationship with her, but it was too painful and difficult for her, he said. She eventually asked him to leave her alone.
His reunion with his mother stopped any additional searching for family for three decades until his own daughter, Ariel, reignited it when she tested with 23andMe.
Ariel’s 23andMe results showed a close connection with a woman she didn’t know. That woman, Marilyn, sent her a message. Marilyn wanted to figure out how they were so closely related. 23andMe showed that Marilyn was either Ariel’s aunt or a close cousin, and Marilyn’s father matched her as a grandfather.
Ariel told Marilyn, who was from Brooklyn, about her dad being adopted and originally being from Brooklyn. Marilyn and Stephen then connected and in an email exchange Marilyn asked Stephen if he knew his biological father’s last name. He told her he didn’t, only that it was a short name and started with “Z.”


“My maiden name is Zwick,” Marilyn emailed back.
“I knew in that instant, that this was the name that my mother had told me, over 30 years ago, and that this was my father’s family,” Stephen said. “I’ll never forget that moment.”
Stephen quickly booked a flight back to New York, renting an apartment where he met his sister Marilyn as well as his biological father and a collection of other relatives
At first his father, a retired sociology teacher, was standoffish, but as they talked it became obvious that Stephen was genuine. The two men looked a lot alike and even have similar mannerisms. At some point, it seemed to dawn on his biological father that Stephen was indeed his son.
He got up and walked over to Stephen, embracing him and saying:


“I have always wanted a son.”


It was more than Stephen could have hoped for, he said. They sat together and talked and Stephen learned that he and his father shared some of the same interests. They both liked doing yoga, meditation, and that they have some of the same sensibilities. For Stephen, who’d been searching for so long, meeting his biological family was a revelation.
“They accepted me,” Stephen said. “In my mind why should they love me, but they do. It’s very deep healing.”

Deep Healing

Listening to Wendy Spencer’s decades-long search for her biological father, the improbability of finding him, and then her shock after learning about the legacy of hatred he inherited from his own father, one would forgive Wendy if she decided to forget she ever found him.



<figure class="wp-block-image alignright wp-image-23624 size-medium"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="300" height="225" src="http://35.88.189.111/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/wendy-spencer-a-1024-300x225.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-23624" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/wendy-spencer-a-1024-300x225.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/wendy-spencer-a-1024-768x576.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/wendy-spencer-a-1024-880x660.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/wendy-spencer-a-1024.jpg 1024w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Wendy, right, her father, Bill, and her daughter Cosette.</figcaption></figure>



But Wendy thought perhaps her love and her family could change that legacy.



“I know people can change,&#8221; she said. &#8220;I have witnessed it before. I see it slowly happening.&#8221;



Wendy’s story of connecting with her biological father, Bill Miller, is a testament to using love to conquer hate, confronting the truth about her biological family’s history, and, even more broadly, coming to terms with America’s own history of racism. People magazine recently featured Wendy&#8217;s story and how she&#8217;s attempting to change that family legacy.



“With all the hate in the world and misunderstandings, I wish people could see each other as human beings with similar hopes and desires,” she said.







Wendy, a 50-year-old hair stylist in Sacramento, is Jewish. She married an African American man, and they have four children. One of their sons is married to a Latina, and the other is married to a Filipina. After learning from her mother more than two decades ago that she’d been conceived during an affair, she began searching for her biological father.



Last year, she tested with 23andMe. In October, when Wendy logged into her account right after her grandson’s brit milah, the Jewish circumcision ceremony, she had a notice that she had a new DNA relative. Thinking maybe she had found a new cousin, she clicked on the file.



“There was a picture of a man, it said ‘Father 50 percent match 24 segments,’” Wendy said. “Then his name, ‘William Miller.’ Needless to say, I was shocked my family heard me shout from the other room!”



She soon was able to connect with Bill. They exchanged email messages and then talked on the phone.



“We talked for an hour and a half,&#8221; Wendy said. &#8220;He cried off and on and seemed so happy.&#8221;



He’d told her that he had seen her twice after she was born but that when her parents moved and then later divorced, he’d lost track of her, although he never stopped looking. Wendy found out that he was in a cancer ward in San Antonio, recovering from surgery. She arranged to go and visit him and then flew to Texas.



He picked her up at the airport after being discharged from the hospital, and took her meet her great aunt, and a cousin.



“After a few family stories and my aunt pulling out pictures, the beginning of a nice connection was being made,” Wendy said.



The next day she went and stayed at her biological father’s house. He lived alone and had never married. The house was a wreck, but the visit allowed for Wendy to learn more about him and his family. It was almost too much for her to bear.



“He told me the reason he had the DNA test was because he was always concerned that he had a little African American in his DNA and he wanted to find out once and for all, (he does not),” she said. “It was very obvious that my dad is a racist!”



The more he talked, the more uncomfortable Wendy became as he put everyone in racial categories or sprinkled his conversation with racist terms.



“It was like a minor stab in the heart every time,” she said.



But she wanted to know “the good, the bad, and the ugly” about her biological family. Her father obliged, telling her about his father, Wendy&#8217;s grandfather, Emmett Elliot Miller.



“He told me his dad had done evil things,” she said.



Emmett Miller had been an organizer in the KKK.



He’d been involved in trying to bomb an all-black college and helped to organize the picket to stop the integration of schools in Little Rock, Arkansas.



“I felt sick to my stomach; the thought of getting up and leaving occurred to me,” she said. “At the same time, I felt God&#8217;s presence with me. It was a very gut-wrenching conversation.”



She told him how hurtful his racism was to her and asked that he stop using some of the racist words that were part of his vocabulary.



“I could tell his honesty was mixed with all the emotions he had been feeling,” she said. “This lonely older man was genuinely happy to have a daughter, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, but his emotions were all mixed up, and he needed to share the conflict that was going on in his soul.”



His daughter is Jewish, married to a black man, and his grandchildren were all mixed, his great-grandchildren even more mixed.



Hearing her father&#8217;s stories about his family was almost too much for Wendy to process. She thought that even in her own lifetime as she was growing up in California surrounded by a family known for tolerance, her grandfather had been working so hard to prevent desegregation and the rights of black people to vote. When she eventually came home from Texas, Wendy said she was “an emotional wreck.”



She talked to her husband and her mother-in-law, who’d always had such sage advice about other matters. But on this, her mother-in-law had nothing to offer. Both of her mother-in-law&#8217;s parents had been murdered during the pre-civil rights era in Mississippi because of the color of their skin. Wendy&#8217;s mother in-law just didn&#8217;t have it in her to forgive.



“I’ve never seen my mother-in-law speechless, with no words of comfort or wisdom,” Wendy said. “She tried, but I could tell how shocking my news was to her.”



Still struggling with what she learned, Wendy continued to talk regularly with her biological father, and then he came to California to visit, arriving for Hanukkah. Wendy’s family welcomed him into their home. He stayed for five days, and became the center of attention. He connected particularly with Wendy’s son Michael and her youngest daughter Cosette. But on the fifth day of his visit, he stayed alone at home with Wendy’s husband. It did not go well.



But even after that, Wendy is trying to maintain the connection. Her father has sent Cosette gifts. He regularly emails, sends cards and calls.



From his point of view Bill said in a comment he made to People that although his language is sometime coarse he is not a racist or a bigot. At one point in the early 1960s, he and a friend were considering moving to Mississippi to help register voters, he has close friends who are Jewish and he regrets that there is tension between him and Wendy&#8217;s husband. <img decoding="async" class="ajT" src="https://ssl.gstatic.com/ui/v1/icons/mail/images/cleardot.gif" alt="">



“He says he loves me and does not deserve me,” Wendy said. “I am glad we have found each other.”



But she doesn&#8217;t know how it all will end up.



“I do not regret finding him and learning about the other half of me,” she said. “It has not been easy, but all of the story has been told.”

Ending a Legacy of Hate

Total strangers, John and Rhonda have one thing in common, the same father.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright wp-image-23484 size-medium" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/JR-quote-300x169.jpg" alt="J$R quote" width="300" height="169" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/JR-quote-300x169.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/JR-quote-768x432.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/JR-quote-880x495.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/JR-quote-980x553.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/JR-quote.jpg 984w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


The two made that discovery earlier this year after using 23andMe.


“Nobody knew about John,” said Rhonda, a 55 year-old marketer in Buffalo New York.


For John, recently retired and 67 who also lives in the Buffalo area, DNA testing was the only way he would have ever found Rhonda and information about his biological father. For both of them the test helped lead them to clues about their father and a tangled history of multiple families and an ongoing search for siblings spread out through generations and geography.
“I now have a printed family tree that  takes three trees to show and is  so long, it covers the top of two long tables,” said John. “(Testing has) been a positive experience for me and a healing experience for the family. I&#8217;ve been welcomed with open arms.”


Being orphaned, along with his half brother, from his single mom when he was just 10 had been so traumatic for John, that he blanked out all the memory of his childhood. He couldn’t even remember his mother’s face until a few years ago when he saw a photo of her for the first time. That had been out of sheer luck, after a mutual acquaintance connected him to his cousin and elderly aunt. John believes it may have been more than luck with a little help from his mother, watching from above.
It was his aunt and cousins who had the photo and tidbits about his mother. John and his family enjoyed a series of reunions in the US and in Italy over the past 5 years. His aunt also shared with John the one bit of information she had about his biological father, his father’s first name.
<div id="attachment_23482" style="width: 210px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-23482" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-23482" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/John-Vitale-200x200.jpg" alt="John Vitale" width="200" height="200" />John Vitale</div>
“There is no way I could have identified the family on my father&#8217;s side,” he said. “All I had to go on was his name was Marvin, and I only learned that a couple of years ago.”


But for both John and Rhonda using 23andMe to explore their ancestry changed not just what they knew about their families and their background, but their understanding about themselves.
John had thought he was Italian, but was “shocked” to learn he was half Ashkenazi Jew on his father’s side.


“I knew nothing about my father, I assumed he was Italian,” said John. “My mother&#8217;s family is Italian with roots in Sicily and Milan.   I was raised Catholic.”
Learning about his Jewish ancestry, didn’t change his beliefs, but it did change his perceptions.


“It has made me more sensitive and curious of the Jewish faith,” he said.


For Rhonda, who was raised by a Jewish mother, learning about about her biological mother’s Catholic background put certain things about herself in context. It also raised a lot of “nature versus nurture issues” for her.


“I grew up as an only child, in a family that I was very different from,” she said. “I look nothing like, or act nothing like, my adopted mother or father.”


And then there was the connection she made using 23andMe to her biological family for the first time – not just to John, but also to a full sister named Trisha.
That connection with her sister was so strong that Rhonda wonders if there’s a chance that they might actually be twins separated and adopted out to different families.


“When I met Trisha, it felt like I was talking to myself,” Rhonda said. “The similarities were astounding.”


23andMe also helped Rhonda connect with her oldest living half-sibling, who is unrelated to John. She was one of the 2 children born to her mother when her mother was in an internment camp in Germany. It was that woman, Danuta, who gave Rhonda much of what she knows about her mother, including her mother’s history with Marvin and the other children she bore him.
<div id="attachment_23483" style="width: 210px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-23483" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-23483" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/rhoried-pic-200x200.jpg" alt="Rhonda Ried" width="200" height="200" />Rhonda Ried</div>
All of Rhonda’s full siblings were adopted by other families, she said. At least two of whom she’s connected with through 23andMe. Rhonda discovered she has 5 full siblings and 6 half siblings, including John. And there could be more, she said.
Now both Rhonda and John are hoping that they will be able to connect with other siblings. They are aware of two sisters in Arizona.


“We are becoming acquainted with members of the family living around the country,” John said.


They have scheduled a virtual family reunion on Skype in a few weeks, but their search continues.


“I fully expect we’ll find others,” said John. “We’ll just keep looking.”

Stories — Page 13