The best things take time, or at least that’s one way of looking at why Jonathan Hay waited so long to meet his biological mother in person.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-25211" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-300x300.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/jon-hay-quote.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
“I’ve been avoiding it for two years out of fear,” said Jonathan, a music producer and publicist.
But the fear evaporated when the two finally met in February.
“It was a life-changing experience that instantly helped unwrap all the emotional bondage and deep rejection that a lot of adopted people suffer with,” he said. “Looking in her eyes, I could see the decades of pain, loss and love that penetrated to the soul. I was finally home.”
We first<a href="https://blog.23andme.com/ancestry/how-i-met-my-father/"> wrote about Jonathan</a> when he found his biological father two years ago.
Adopted in Florida, Jonathan could identify his birth father, Ronnie Bradley, and a half-brother, Ryan, after connecting with a close cousin using 23andMe.
Jonathan also got some help from an adoption search expert in the state. Together, they were also able to identify his mom and fill in some of the blanks around his birth and adoption.
His dad told him that Jonathan was a new Navy enlistee living in San Diego when he was born. He didn’t even know his former girlfriend had been pregnant and only learned about Jonathan’s birth after getting the legal papers to give up the baby for adoption. 
Jonathan’s mom, Pam Nicely, lived in Florida and was still a teen struggling for her future.
After piecing together the story, Jonathan—ever the publicist—decided to create a reality show about meeting his birth parents for the first time. He began to pitch the idea for what, at first, he called “The Haymaker.” Everything was in place, but he couldn’t escape the fear of an in-person contact. 
That changed in November of last year when he met his brother Ryan for the first time.
“He’s actually the first person I met from my biological family,” Jonathan said.
His brother was able to give Jonathan even more background on the family, and most importantly, Ryan knew how Jonathan could contact his mother.
When Jonathan finally called his mom and planned his trip to see her in Ashtabula, Ohio, he didn’t bring any cameras.
“Everyone wanted to film it, but I just decided to keep it private,” he said.
Spending time with his biological mother, getting to know her, ask her questions helped relieve some of the fear Jonathan had.
“Meeting her really gave me the strength to follow through with the TV show,” he said. “I was kind of at a roadblock in my life emotionally, but that was a breakthrough.”
Now he is gearing up to begin filming in Florida in April for an in-person meeting with his dad. The show is now tentatively titled “Daddy Issues” and features Jonathan’s daughters, Iliana Eve, 14, and Hannah Lynn, 16. Both girls also have budding music careers that Jonathan is trying to support. 
As for the show, Jonathan said he’s working with Angie Fenton, a well-known Louisville television correspondent. Part of the attraction of working with Fenton was that she underwent this process herself. Fenton documented her journey meeting her biological father in an Oxygen network series called “Finding My Father.&#8221;
“We&#8217;ve been talking to A. Smith Productions as well,” said Jonathan. “(There are) a lot of options for the show. We need to get the pilot done first, which is what we are filming in April in Florida.”
Whatever happens with the show, Jonathan said using 23andMe to connect to his biological family sent him on a pilgrimage that is helping him unpack the complicated emotional baggage he’s been carrying through his life.
“Thank you so much for creating your product,” he said.

23andMe Blog

23andMe Blog Team

Coming Home

Maria Biskie spent her life searching.
Born in the Philippines in 1973, she never knew her father. In her lowest moments, she’d longed to have him by her side. That day came earlier this year, after testing with 23andMe. <img loading="lazy" decoding="async" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Maria-Dad-238x300.jpg" alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-25306" width="238" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Maria-Dad-238x300.jpg 238w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Maria-Dad.jpg 642w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 238px) 100vw, 238px" />


“There were a lot of times in my life which were very rough and very hard for me,” Maria told the Hays Daily News in Hays Kansas. “I could only wish he was there.” 

Maria and her biological father, Bill Tittle met in person for the first time at in early March. For Tittle, who never married and never knew he had a child, meeting Maria was a little overwhelming.

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“I’m not an emotional guy, but it gets to me,” he said while wiping away tears.


Tittle was in the Navy and stationed in the Philippines in the early 1970s when he began dating Maria’s mother. This was during the waning days of the Vietnam War, and when he left on a deployment without much notice he didn&#8217;t know his  girlfriend was pregnant. When he returned, she was gone.
Maria’s mom had moved back to her hometown a few hours away to have her baby. Tittle tried but was unable to find her, he told the paper
Tittle is now retired and lives in Venice California. He never married. Learning he has not only a daughter, but also four grandchildren, brings him great joy.
“I have no other kids, and it was good news to me. I tell people I got the email a young man fears and an old man looks forward to,” he said.


For Maria, finding her father has brought her peace.


“I found everything I’ve been looking for in my life,” she said.


Check out her story here.

A Wish Comes True

It’s probably worth starting Chris and Colleen’s Valentine’s Day story with a disclaimer — your results may differ.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-25256" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Nerds-Image-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Nerds-Image-300x225.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Nerds-Image.jpg 480w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


Chris started dating Colleen a few years back. On their first date Chris, an MD and PhD who worked at a lab at Seattle’s Saint Louis Children’s Hospital, brought up his 23andMe results. He mentioned his inability to smell asparagus in his urine and his higher than normal amount of Neanderthal DNA. 
“The fact that this did not immediately scare her off was a good sign,” he said.


Colleen, who also worked at the hospital, thought it was a little strange but she went with it.
A few months later, as Valentine’s Day neared, Chris wanting to break out of the typical chocolate and roses routine, got Colleen a 23andMe kit.
&#8220;I even included a card saying how this was a gift of knowledge of her past, present and future,” he said.
Thinking it was “terribly romantic.”
Colleen thought:
“This is the oddest thing I’ve ever gotten. I’m dating a total nerd &#8230; and I&#8217;m OK with that.”


The two are now happily married, living in Seattle, and have a baby girl.
She&#8217;s not old enough to do her her own 23andMe test, at least not yet, Chris said.
Check out their story:
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Love Test

The stories all start the same – with a 23andMe kit given at Christmas – but then they follow their own fascinating narratives that are as unique as the customers who share them<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="wp-image-17056 size-full alignright" src="http://35.88.189.111/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ChristmasTree.jpg" alt="" width="424" height="283" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ChristmasTree.jpg 424w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ChristmasTree-300x200.jpg 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 424px) 100vw, 424px" /> with us.
Almost daily we hear from people who’ve learned something new about themselves or their families using 23andMe. Some of the stories are moving or mysterious, others have a lighter touch, but they all carry the weight of someone’s humanity.
With the holiday just around the corner, we wanted to share a few stories with you.
There’s Pat Nosko’s story of finding family.
“It’s the most amazingly beautiful gift I could have ever hoped to give my mother,” said Kelle Scott, who gave her mother Pat a kit at Christmas. Pat, who’d been adopted and knew little about her biological parents, <a href="https://blog.23andme.com/23andme-customer-stories/a-most-amazing-gift">found a sister </a>she never knew she had.
It’s was Lenny Scoval’s wife how gave him a kit for Christmas, and he too <a href="https://blog.23andme.com/articles/boy-south-carolina/">found family</a>.
An adoptee, who at 52, connected with seven of the twelve siblings he’d never knew he had.
It was Adam’s partner Steve who gave him a kit as a present. Adam <a href="https://blog.23andme.com/23andme-customer-stories/a-list-for-midlife">found biological family</a>, but also found that he could help someone else, someone who like himself had been searching for biological family. Adam probably best summed up what many customers have told of about using 23andMe.
“This entire experience has helped explain why I am the way I am,” he said, “and I am forever grateful.”
Happy Holidays! 
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A tree in the snow in a forest that is lit up like a Christmas tree.

The Gift

If Lisa hadn’t used 23andMe, it’s hard to imagine how she would have ever known about Nelly.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright wp-image-24612 size-medium" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-300x300.jpg" alt="lisa-p-quote" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/LISA-P-QUOTE.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
Lisa hadn’t been searching for her. When she tested with 23andMe, Lisa was mostly just curious about the science of personal genetics.


“I was fascinated that the technology had advanced so far so quickly, and that I could get my DNA tested so easily,” she said.
A 47 year-old designer who lives in Durham, North Carolina, Lisa first heard about 23andMe in a Wall Street Journal article that ran a few years ago.
She thought the name was cool, but put off testing until a friend who’d used 23andMe convinced her to give it a try.
“On a lark, I decided to take the test,” Lisa said.

While she was still very interested in the science, Lisa was also curious about whether she could learn a little about her grandfather’s family. Her grandfather had been adopted, and raised by a loving and well-to-do family. He didn’t know and didn’t share much about his biological family with his daughter, Lisa’s mom. As a result that page of the family history was largely blank.
There was some speculation about his ancestry – that he was Irish – but nothing firm.
“I decided to take the test to either confirm or deny what little I knew,” Lisa said.
The speculation about having Irish ancestry was correct, but there were also some surprises, like having Balkan and Native American ancestry. Lisa’s biggest surprise was finding a close “DNA relative” she never knew she had.
“Within two days I got an email from a woman who matched as a second cousin,” Lisa said.
It was a lucky break because Lisa’s new found cousin was a gold mine of information, quickly filling up the blank pages in the family history.


“She opened everything up,” Lisa said.


Her cousin, a forensic genealogist, had pieced together her grandfather’s origins and the story of his grandmother, Lisa’s great grandmother Nelly Scofield.
Lisa learned that Nelly’s husband died and that she couldn’t care for her two young sons, forcing her to give up Lisa’s grandfather and his brother. The two boys went to different families, and were raised apart. According to Lisa’s cousin, many years later when Lisa’s grandfather was about 21, a man came to his work.
“I’m your brother,” the man said to Lisa’s grandfather.
He’d found his brother to tell him that he too had been adopted, that he had recently found their biological mother and that she wanted to see him. Instead of going to see his mother, Lisa’s grandfather told his brother to go away.


“He had a good life and a good family,” said Lisa.
That was the last contact the two had. Exchanging messages with her cousin, Lisa learned that the family had always known of her grandfather’s existence but they didn’t have a name. Lisa’s cousin also shared with her a newspaper clipping about her grandfather’s brother’s reunion with their mother, Nelly. And she shared more details about the family with Lisa, including their roots reaching back to a small island off the west coast of Ireland, and their love of music.
“It’s was amazing to learn what ancestral traits my grandfather had in common with his unknown relatives,” Lisa said.
And it wasn’t just his looks, but also his hobbies and talents, Lisa said.
“Who plays the Irish accordion when they don’t even know they are Irish?” she asked.


But for Lisa what was most powerful was what this connection meant for her mother, who will soon be meeting her cousins in person.
“She now knows, even if her dad didn’t, who his birth family was,” Lisa said.
And Lisa has advice for others considering using 23andMe.


“If you are even thinking about taking the test, do it.” She said. “ It&#8217;s anonymous and you don&#8217;t need to share anything, if you don&#8217;t want. But you never know what secrets are waiting to be unlocked and how your life might change just from spitting in a tube!”

Whoa Nelly

After she retired from teaching theater at a Florida college, Julia Gagne’s life took on its own unexpected dramatic arc.
<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-24256" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-300x300.jpg" alt="Julia &#038; Doug" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Julia-Doug.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
Although she’d been adopted at birth more than 65 years ago, Julia hadn’t spent much time searching for her biological family. When she tested with 23andMe a few years ago, it was more to simply learn a little about her ancestry.
She was a little curious about what else she might learn, but she didn’t expect it would change her life.
She understands how all that sounds overly theatrical – she’s directed enough plays to know – but this plot twist is real.
“It sounds dramatic,” Julia said, “Because it is dramatic.”

<h6>Her Early Search</h6>
Julia was raised in a loving family. She didn’t really pine for her biological family, but in the early 1980s she did get some records from the state of Michigan about her adoption. There was nothing in the records that would help her identify her birth mother, but Julia learned her mother’s age, what she did for a living and her level of education. That and a few other facts were all she found. She filed those papers away for a few decades and went on with her life. Then a few years ago, Julia signed up for 23andMe.


“The results were interesting,” she said.


She didn’t find any close relatives, at least not at first. And then about a year ago she got a close relative match, someone listed as a first cousin. For Julia, who had never met or known any biological relative, finding a first cousin was a big deal. She was taken aback.
“What?” she thought.
<h6>Her First Connection</h6>
So using 23andMe she sent the man a message, explained who she was, where she was born and when. And, of course, she told him that she’d been adopted. Then she waited.
“A few weeks later, I received a message that would change my life,” Julia said.


She’d actually been out with a friend, getting ready to go into a movie, when she noticed she’d gotten an email. She opened it up and read.


“I think you are my aunt. I think your mother was Beatrice,” her newfound nephew said. “I think you have a half brother who is alive, and a half sister who has passed on. But let&#8217;s figure it out.”


And there was more.
“He gave me a phone number, and told me my brother was waiting for me to call,” Julia said.
<h6>
 Much in Common</h6>

Of course, she called.
On the other end of the line was her brother, Douglass Fiero, also a retired college professor, although he taught literature, not theater.
The connection was immediate. Doug hadn’t known of Julia’s existence, but the timing of her birth suddenly made sense.
A few years older than Julia, Doug remembered a time when he was nine and his sister six and they spent two months sleeping in the kitchen of his father’s small apartment. His parents had been divorced, and his mother who’d been raising him and his sister, had left the children with their father for a time. That’s when Julia was born.
On the phone so many years later, Julia and Doug spent a lot of time trying to get to know each other. He told her about her half sister, who’d passed away, about his sons and his work. But most of all Doug wanted Julia to know about their mother.


“Probably the most intelligent person I’ve ever known,” he said.

<h6>Their Mother</h6>

Julia saw a little of herself, but also some of the same traits that so distinguished her own adoptive mother. Both her mother who raised her and her biological mother attended college in Kalamazoo. And both women ran businesses and raised kids on their own at a time when that wasn’t common.


“The main thing I wanted to do when we first talked was to tell (Julia) about our mother,” Doug said. “She is really important. Someone, who along with my wife, is the most significant person in my life. I was really excited to share that with (Julia). It’s been a wonderful and startling thing to be able to do that.”
Julia eventually visited Doug and his wife in New Jersey. They shared their own histories, and the coincidences in their lives: Julia’s love of theater had been sparked by a summer stock theater, uncannily the same theater to which their biological mom took Doug and his sister when they were children; moreover, Julia spent all of her career and Doug spent the major portions of his career teaching at the university level.
For Julia it’s the kind of drama that would be hard to make up, and she’s still a little shocked that after so many decades she’s pieced together the story of her birth.
“My birth mother had told no one of my existence,” she said “Without the DNA analysis at 23andMe, I would never have found any members of my birth family. No adoption registry would have provided answers ever. I am very grateful, incredibly surprised and delighted by this turn of events. It is still somewhat incredible to me that this could happen after more than six decades of life. Amazing.”

Drama in the Family

As a wedding planner, Wendy Wojcik pays close attention to even the smallest of details, yet in her own life she always ignored one big one – the identity of her biological father.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-24251" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-300x300.jpg" alt="Wendy W Quote" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Wendy-W-Quote.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


That all changed recently. Upon reaching her 50th birthday and mourning the loss of her mother, Wendy realized she wanted to know who her father was, what he may have passed on to her, and what it might mean for her now.
“When I turned 50, I wanted to know those details,” she said. “Then I got 23andMe as a gift, and I’ve learned so much. It’s been the gift that keeps on giving. All of this stems out of doing 23andMe.” 

<h6>Different Dads</h6>

What she learned changed her, her two sisters and her brother. Wendy and her siblings grew up in the Pacific Northwest knowing that their dad wasn’t their biological father. Their mom was always pretty frank about it, letting them know that they each had different fathers, but never telling them who those men were.


“We all look different,” said Wendy.

Their mom, who’d been a nurse, shared a few details of her rough years when as a teenager she had her kids, but it wasn&#8217;t much. The details were a few names that meant very little, as well as some dates and cities, but it wasn’t enough to identify their fathers. And over time, Wendy and her siblings just stopped asking. They didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. And, according to Wendy, they were fine with not knowing, or at least they thought they were.
“When you don’t know, it’s always in the back of your head, but we’d tried to forget about it,” she said.

<h6>Turning 50</h6>

And in a way Wendy, her two sisters and her brother did forget about it. But then two things happened – Wendy turned 50; and her mother died. Suddenly Wendy felt she had permission to start her search.
In early 2016, a friend gave Wendy a 23andMe kit as a gift. Wendy sent her sample back to the lab and waited. Her results came in and that’s when things started happening, really fast. She connected right away with someone who was listed as a close cousin.
“I recognized the last name,” said Wendy. “It was one of the last names of the men my mom dated when I was young.”


She thought that   it was more than just a coincidence, and her cousin must be related to the man her mother once dated and that he, “must be my dad.”

<h6>A Big Surprise</h6>

Her other surprise was that her younger sister Elena was not her half sister, as she’d been lead to believe, but her full sister. They share the same biological father.
Through her cousin found on 23andMe, Wendy and her sister were able to find the man they believed was their biological father. He was still alive, so they reached out and he immediately wanted to meet. They eventually were able to confirm he was their father, their mother’s former high school boyfriend.
Wendy immediately realized how much this search and information could help the rest of her family.


“It was so fast and as soon as I found my father, I said, ‘we’re all going to get a kit, and we’re all going to find out who our fathers were,’” Wendy said.

<h6>Narrowing Down the Possibilities</h6>

One by one over a few months, Wendy’s other sister, Tamara, and her brother Paul, tested with 23andMe. They each found cousins who were able to help them in their search. One of their cousins, well-versed in using genetic genealogy, helped Wendy quickly sort through matches and identify the most likely candidates.
And they used the bits of information they had from their mother like dates, names, and cities to narrow the search.
And then they found who they had been looking for. Wendy’s oldest sister’s biological father turned out to be a former race car driver, and their brother’s father was their mom’s former square dancing teacher. They were all still alive and Wendy and her siblings, who range in age from 49 to 55, each got to meet their fathers. They all welcomed the news.  Wendy and her siblings got a chance to meet their extended families and other half siblings for the first time.


“The best part about this is that even though our mom is gone, we’re gaining a whole new family, some of whom were even looking for us and all seem happy to know us,” Wendy said. “It’s kind of cool that even though we lost a parent we gained a new one.”

Our Three Fathers

&nbsp;
Maria felt conflicted.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-24234" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-300x300.jpg" alt="Maria quote" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Maria-quote.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


Here she was celebrating her parents’ 63rd wedding anniversary, and the last thing she wanted to do was upset her elderly mother. But on the flipside she had to ask her.
Maria now knew her mother’s secret, a secret that brought up many questions, serious questions. Maria wanted to know why her mother hid her true origins. Maria wanted to ask those questions and so many more, and her mother was the only one who could answer them.


“So I said to myself: ‘If she mentions the necklace, I’m going to say something,’” said Maria, a mother of young twins who lives with her husband in New Jersey.

<h6>A Mother&#8217;s Secret</h6>

Her parents had come back to New Jersey for their anniversary celebration. The couple met in New York City at a high school dance. Maria’s mom was 18 when she married her father. The couple raised four kids together, part of a large extended Italian family. But that large family was all on Maria’s dad’s side of the family. She knew nothing about her mom’s family.


“My mom’s story was that she was adopted and her parents died and she had no siblings,” Maria said.
Her mother told her kids very little about her biological family except to say there was a rumor that they were Italians who’d immigrated through Argentina to the United States.
Yet after testing with 23andMe and seeing her results, Maria discovered that her mother’s story just didn’t add up. Maria was only half Italian, and almost 20 percent African.


“When I saw it at first I was like ‘wait a second!’” Maria said.
She thought it was wrong.
When she told her sisters and brother they were in denial.
“Mom can’t be black?” they said.


Or could she?
<h6>Hidden African Ancestry</h6>
Both Maria’s sister and brother tested and they too had close to the same percentage African ancestry. So after that initial shock, Maria started to dig a little deeper, connect with cousins found through 23andMe, and that’s how she pieced together her mother’s family story.<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright wp-image-24235 size-medium" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/IMG_4769-e1471282681353-300x213.jpg" alt="IMG_4769" width="300" height="213" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/IMG_4769-e1471282681353-300x213.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/IMG_4769-e1471282681353.jpg 723w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />
The family’s story is surprising, but finding “hidden African ancestry” is much more common than many know. While most African Americans are aware that they have “white” ancestry – a vestige of the ugly history of slavery – fewer “white” Americans know that they may have “hidden African ancestry” in their families. This too is a legacy of slavery and segregation in America. For those families with hidden ancestry, it means that at some point in history someone in their family likely “passed” for white.
Each story is unique but commonly this was to escape the consequences of racism directed at African Americans that limited job and education opportunities.
For Maria learning this about her mother, didn’t so much change her identity as it changed how she looked at her family.
“It’s strange,” Maria said. “I grew up thinking I was one way and actually I’m not who I thought I was.”

<h6>Identity</h6>

Maria wanted to know why had her mother kept this secret for so long, but before she asked her questions she wanted to be sure, so she dug a little deeper. And then that day at church she said a prayer. She told herself that if her mother asked about the necklace she’d take it as a sign that it was OK to ask her mother.
As they left the church her mother noticed the necklace telling her daughter how much she liked it. Maria took it as a sign to start asking questions.
“It’s your sister’s necklace,” Maria told her mom.”


Her mother, who had always told her children that she’d been an only child, was stunned.


“’My sister? What do you mean my sister?’” Maria’s mother said.

<h6>The Great Migration</h6>

Maria told her mom whom it had come from and that she had not just found her mother’s sister but connected with a brother and a few more aunts.
Maria had learned that her mother wasn’t of Italian origin, nor was her biological family originally from Argentina, as she’d once told her kids. Her mother was born in Illinois. Her parents were African Americans from Mississippi, and her mother had had at least 19 siblings. Her mother’s family had moved from the Mississippi to Chicago for job opportunities, part of the wave of African Americans to move north in what is called the “<a href="https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129827444">Great Migration</a>.”


Maria had learned that at some point her mother and three of her siblings, who could pass for white, moved to New York City. Maria’s mom was 15 at the time. The four siblings used a Latino sounding last name. Over the years they either lost ties or cut off contact with the rest of the family back in Illinois and Chicago. Maria’s mom soon met the man, who would be her husband at a school dance. When they got married it caused another rift in the family. After the marriage, Maria’s mother lost contact with her three siblings in New York.
Maria learned about this from relatives she found through 23andMe. One of the connections she made was with cousins in California who were the children of her mother’s brother.
<h6>Siblings Connect After Decades Apart</h6>
After making the connection Maria told her mom and together they traveled together to visit her mother’s 96 year-old brother. The two hadn’t seen each other in 64 years. Maria was also able to find two of her mother’s sisters who were still alive. She talks to them weekly and recently traveled to Chicago to meet one of them and her newly found cousins in person. These connections have given Maria a chance to see family photos of her grandparents, her mother as a young woman, as well as aunts and uncles she never knew she had.


“It’s fascinating and crazy,” Maria said. “I never knew these people existed and now it&#8217;s like I&#8217;ve known them my whole life.&#8221;


As for learning about her and her family’s African American ancestry, Maria said it didn’t really change how she thought about herself. It did change how she thought of her family, and the power of being connected to all these family members she never knew before.


“To me it’s an amazing story of a family’s racial divide, but with a very happy ending,” she said.

Bridging A Family’s Racial Divide

For his big birthday Adam Keim wrote out a to-do list titled – “40 for 40.”<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-24145" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-300x300.jpg" alt="Adam quote" width="300" height="300" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-300x300.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-150x150.jpg 150w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-768x768.jpg 768w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-880x880.jpg 880w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-271x271.jpg 271w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-372x372.jpg 372w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-574x574.jpg 574w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote-980x980.jpg 980w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-quote.jpg 1000w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />


It included little things like walking across the Golden Gate Bridge, volunteering for a day, and getting a massage.
“These are mostly things I have never done, things I have needed to do, and a few that I haven’t done in a long time,” Adam wrote across the top.


These were modest endeavors for a man facing his 40s, who wanted to spend a little time savoring what’s around him, take better care of himself, and maybe have some fun. But if you saw the list, you’d wonder why it took Adam until number 27 to include the one thing that he was always curious about – start researching who his biological family was.
“I always knew I was adopted but I never did anything about finding my natural parents,” he said.


Adam knew that he was born in San Diego, he was adopted when he was 4-months old, and that the foster parents called him Mike.
“I really knew nothing more,” Adam said.


Then Adam’s partner, Steve, gave him a 23andMe kit for Christmas. Little did Adam know, it would open up an entirely new personal history.

<h6>Starting from Scratch</h6>

From his 23andMe results, Adam found many DNA relatives including a few second and third cousins who sent him messages. They exchanged messages, but quickly realized it would be hard to determine the source of their DNA connection because of Adam being adopted.


&#8220;I had nothing to offer them,” he said. “No surnames. No history. Nothing at all.&#8221;


When Adam had just about given up on 23andMe and his search for his birth family, a bizarre string of messages changed his life.

<div style="float: right; text-align: justified; width: 350px; background-color: #eee; padding: 15px; margin-left: 10px;">Finding Lisa
Authorities believe Lisa was kidnapped as a toddler and held by a man until she was five. The man who took her was convicted of murder for killing a woman and sentenced to prison. He later died in prison without revealing where Lisa came from.

Now 30 years later, detectives from the Crimes Against Children Detail of the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department are working with genetic genealogist and DNA expert Barbara Rae-Venter to find Lisa’s biological family. Lisa, whose name is being withheld to protect her current identity, was too young at the time of her abduction to know or give any information about her biological parents or where she is from. Authorities are not even sure in which state or country she was abducted; her abductor had been in Quebec, Canada and all over the United States from the New England states to California.

They are not even sure when Lisa was born, but estimate it was about 1981, based on Lisa’s dental development at the time she was recovered. They also believe she was younger than two when she was abducted.For more information on the case or to learn how to help, email Barbara Rae-Venter at GenealogyConsult@gmail.com. Barbara is a retired patent attorney who specialized in biotechnology. In addition to a J.D., Barbara has a Ph.D. in biology, and before attending law school, taught biochemistry and endocrinology at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston,Texas.

</div>
A profile had appeared on his list of DNA relatives that wasn’t there previously. It listed Lisa as a likely second or third cousin.
He started receiving messages from a woman named Barbara Rae-Venter who was working with Lisa, and she asked Adam to “share genomes”.


She told him she was a volunteer with DNAadoption, and asked him to send his response to the DNAadoption website query line and that she’d in turn be able to put him in touch with a volunteers who could help him in his search.
<h6>
 More about Lisa</h6>

Even after sharing genomes, Adam was suspicious about the strange messages. He thought it might be a scam or ploy to get money from him. So after not replying to some of her messages, he got a long message from Barbara. She explained that she was working with a deputy from the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department to help Lisa – not her real name – learn who she is and try to find her own biological family.
As a toddler, Lisa had been kidnapped and was held captive for several years. After a few years, she managed to escape. Her kidnapper was later arrested and put in prison, where he later died. Unfortunately, he never offered up any information about Lisa’s origins, and as a result, the authorities could never identify Lisa’s biological parents to reunite her with her family.
Now more than 30 years later, with the help of expert researchers and genetic genealogists, as well as advancements in DNA testing, they are trying to help Lisa finally find answers. (See the sidebar to learn more about Lisa’s story and the effort to help her.)


At first the story they told seemed so awful that Adam had a hard time believing it.
“It was like something you see on a Thursday night TV crime show. This type of stuff doesn’t actually happen to real people,” Adam said.


They asked Adam for his help.
<div id="attachment_24148" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-24148" class="wp-image-24148 size-medium" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Rob-Adam-300x277.jpeg" alt="Rob &#038; Adam" width="300" height="277" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Rob-Adam-300x277.jpeg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Rob-Adam.jpeg 537w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Adam, on the right, and his brother Robert.</div>
He quickly shared his birth certificate and adoption records with Barbara, which included his adoptive mother’s maiden name and his birth date.
<h6>Finding His Mother</h6>
This information would allow Barbara, with the help of an adoption search angel, Diana Iwanski, to obtain information from his original birth certificate through a reverse look up microfiche. Within a day, Barbara and Diana had obtained Adam’s mother’s maiden name, his half-brother’s name (Robert), as well as the name Adam was given at birth – Michael Richard Kravan.


Although the deputy asked Adam to wait before trying to contact any family members until he could confirm the information on his birth mother by obtaining a copy of his original birth certificate from San Diego County, that didn’t stop Adam from looking online. Within minutes of learning his birth name and the name of his half-brother, he quickly found his profile on Facebook. It was there that Adam found pictures of his birth mother.
“When I saw them I just started balling my eyes out,” he said. “It’s hard to describe, being in your 40s and your whole life not knowing anything about your birth family and then all of a sudden, you see them. It all happened so fast. I went from getting a crazy email about a kidnapped girl to finding my birth family within a few days.”


All those emotions were mixed together when the deputy got back in touch with Adam a few months later and gave him the OK to contact his birth mother, Patti.
When they finally spoke on the phone, they were both overwrought with emotion. He tried to put her nerves at ease by explaining that he held no judgement, just joy for giving him life.

“I told her I had a great life and am very happy. I am very grateful that she put me up for adoption versus one of the alternatives.”

<h6>Close to Home</h6>

Patti and Robert only lived a few hours from Adam’s home in Oakland, California. He drove up to meet Robert first, then met Patti a few weeks later. The three met several times in those first few months and spent many hours together talking. Adam started getting answers to the holes in his past, and his mother was able to explain to Adam why he’d been given up for adoption.
“She had three children – all with different men,” Adam said. “She was a troubled young woman at the time; lots of drugs and alcohol and unfortunate situations that made raising a child tough.”


She in turn told him that he had another older brother, who she hadn’t seen for decades. Now Adam has put finding his oldest brother on his list of things to do in the coming year.
“Now that I’ve started learning about my birth family, I want to learn more and more,” Adam claimed.
<div id="attachment_24152" style="width: 310px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-24152" class="size-medium wp-image-24152" src="https://blog-api.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-His-Grandfather.001-300x193.jpg" alt="Adam's high school graduation picture, right, and a photo of his grandfather." width="300" height="193" srcset="https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-His-Grandfather.001-300x193.jpg 300w, https://blogcms.23andme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Adam-His-Grandfather.001.jpg 450w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Adam&#8217;s high school graduation picture, right, and a photo of his grandfather.</div>
<h6>
 Finding his birth father</h6>

His own search led to finding an uncle, Aaron, who is a half-brother of his birth mother, whom she never knew about before. Aaron’s father, Adam’s maternal grandfather was an actor in the 70s and 80s, and shares a striking physical resemblance to Adam.
DNA testing of Adam’s birth mother confirmed that Adam was connected to Lisa through his biological father.
Based on the family tree that Barbara built for Lisa and DNA information, both Lisa and Adam are connected to a man who was one of each of their closest matches. Through that connection Barbara identified the family she believes also include Adam’s father. DNA testing of a member of that family identified him as likely an uncle of Adam’s. But the definitive answer about who his father is, is still being sought. It’s another piece of his and Lisa’s puzzle they are trying solve.
He still can’t help but feel heartbroken by his cousin Lisa’s story.


“She deserves to find her family too,” he said. “I owe her so much and I look forward to the day I can meet her and thank her in person.”


The whole experience has brought peace to Adam. He always felt a disconnect with his adoptive family; they didn’t always get along and had very different personalities and interests. Now, finding relatives who are outgoing and creative like him, not to mention share physical and character traits, gives him a sense of belonging he didn’t have before.


“This entire experience has helped explain why I am the way I am,” he said, “and I am forever grateful.”

Stories — Page 12